ZORG: You know how it's the year 3000 now and all sorts of fashions have come and gone over the millennia?
KRAAK: Yeah.
ZORG: Why are all our clothes made of foil?
KRAAK: What?
ZORG: It occurs to me that cotton might be more comfortable.
KRAAK: Nonsense. Foil is ... versatile and ... shiny.
ZORG'S LEFT EYEBROW: (Rears up sceptically.)
KRAAK: It's very now.
ZORG: I understand that. But it chafes.
KRAAK: The economy demands it.
ZORG: What, foil-fresh scrotes?
KRAAK: Foil in general. After the health campaigns of the early 21st century, nobody was drinking soft drink any more.
ZORG: Rrrrrright ...
KRAAK: And after those environmental awareness campaigns—
ZORG: Oh! Right. When everyone was recycling cans.
KRAAK: Yeah. But with no soft drinks, there was nothing to recycle them into. So they just made foil.
ZORG: I still don't see why I'm wearing it as pants.
ZORG'S TROUSERS: (Soft crinkle.)
KRAAK: Hey—and stylish asymmetrical shoulder pads!
ZORG: Gaaah! They're constantly bumping against our inexplicably trapezoidal doorframes!
KRAAK: Well, water scarcity forced governments to place heavy restrictions on water-intensive industries like cotton. Cotton clothing became completely unaffordable. So, they started making clothes out of the surplus foil and voilà—everyone in the world was clothed and had clean drinking water.
And scratchy privates.
ZORG: I'd take the poop-water.
KRAAK: You don't mean that. Since we all started wearing foil hats, when's the last time you heard any weirdos claiming that aliens are reading their thoughts?
ZORG: Exactly! Now you can't tell who the crazy ones are! They're walking among us, designing trapezoidal doorframes!
KRAAK: It's better than that 'post-apocalyptic' look everyone was going for back in the 25th century.
ZORG: Ugh. Yeah. Arseless leather trousers are never OK.
KRAAK: Parliament Question Time must have been horrible.
ZORG: ARGH. (Vomits a little in his mouth, then coughs.) I hope I'm not getting sick. If the government hadn't channelled so much funding into massively fuel-inefficient hovercar infrastructure, maybe our public healthcare system wouldn't be crumbling so badly.
KRAAK: Good thing we all undergo Renewal when we turn 30.
ZORG: At least they got that right.
