Hello. I am a large bush rat that wandered into Martina's backyard today to die. I was feeling a bit drowsy and took a nap on the mat first, just as they were leaving to visit family. I don't know why I picked a household with two kids to do this but I think I had just escaped another household with two kids and—I don't know, a change is as good as a holiday, or something? Look, don't ask me too many questions, I'm a dead rat. Anyway, while they were gone I rallied and managed to move myself about a metre housewards, whereupon I died. On the lawn. Clinging to a single blade of grass with my foot. Because if Rat Death is coming for me, I'm taking this motherflipping overgrown buffalo grass with me, bitches!
They haven't done anything about me yet, though the flies are aleady starting to take an interest in my dead-rat-ness because this is Australia and that's how shit works here.
Boy, am I feeling a bit stupid for choosing the day AFTER garbage collection day to die in a suburban back yard, because wtf are they going to do with my inconvenient, hairy corpse for the next week now?
